Welcome to this week’s edition of Friday Fictioneers. The goal is to write a complete story using 100 words or less based on a photo prompt. This week’s story is a rework of a longer piece I wrote a year ago. I don’t know what is more challenging; writing a completely new story or editing a longer story so it maintains the essence of the original. Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting this challenge and J Hardy Carroll for this week’s photograph. If you would like to add your own story, or read other stories like this, head to Rochelle’s Friday’s Fictioneers.
Ziggy sat on the edge of the couch, mesmerized by empty space between the steeple clock on the mantel and the ceiling above. Her tail twitched as a guttural growl erupted from deep inside her throat. Ziggy’s odd behavior concerned her owner Charlotte. A recent bee sting had sent her daughter Adeline into anaphylactic shock. Another occurrence could be deadly.
Placing Adeline against her shoulder, Charlotte examined the wall. Relieved to find nothing there, Charlotte turned her back to the clock, facing Ziggy.
“Silly cat. There is nothing….”
Charlotte’s words were cut short by Adeline’s screams of terror.
Redbuds and Roserocks 
gripping.
yikes – and cat’s know… don’t they?
also like how you led us up to this – from imagining someone staring at the space and then having it a cat and all the rest
Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
🙂
Ooooooh, cats can sense them.
Yes they can. It’s scary sometimes. Thanks Anurag.
The placing/movement of the main character is so graphically depicted – I could almost see what both the cat and the child were seeing. Well done
Thank you Sandra. Your comment is much appreciated
Yikes! But was it a bee that the cat had seen? Scary last line!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
the original title of the longer piece is Invisible Monsters. My cat seems to see things I can’t see and I just took it from there. My intent is that there is something horrifying on the wall that only the cat and baby could see. Thanks for commenting Susan. Much appreciated.
So there was a bee hive inside the clock? Cat sense it.
i wrote the story originally with my own cat in mind. She seems to see things that we don’t see. Like a tiny bug. There isn’t a beehive in the clock, but there is something terrifying.. I appreciate you taking time to comment. Thanks!
Reading is the objective. Questions come out of reading. Thank you for being patient in answering.
No problem. Questions from readers give me feedback on how I can improve. I appreciate them.
As if cats weren’t mysterious enough! 🙂
You never know what is going on with them. Thanks Iain.
Our companions do take care of, even if we fail to notice.
“take care of us”…:)
Mine find the creepy crawlies on the floor. Especially scorpions. Thanks for commenting
Ooh spooky end!
Glad you liked it Louise. Thanks for commenting
I’ve never trusted cats!
Click to visit Keith’s Ramblings!
But their cute Keith!
Dear Susan,
It took me a couple of reads and some comments to realize what was going on. Charlotte needs to pay attention to Ziggy. Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks for the feedback Rochelle. I appreciate your comments.
I like how the very moment when Charlotte is most alert as a mother, is the moment when the bee-st attacks!
I’m glad you liked the story. Thanks
Nicely told, but I am worried about the scorpions
Me too. The like to come in the house during the summer. I worry when I find one because they travel in pairs. Thanks Michael
cats know more then humans
They are pretty astute. Thanks for commenting. Much appreciated
Sounds like Ziggy saves the day! I just love cats. They are magical creatures.
I love them too Jilly. Thanks for the comments. Much appreciated
Very engaging read. Held my attention throughout.
Thanks Lisa. I’m glad you enjoyed it
Oh my, poor Adeline and Charlotte! Great job in building the suspense through Ziggy’s behavior. Cats do have an extra sense, don’t they?
I have had cats act weird for no reason. It makes me wonder sometimes. Thanks for commenting, Brenda. Much appreciated.
Very engaging story. Animals sense things we don’t.
Much appreciated. Thank you.
A lesson to never dismiss the cat’s perceptions. Nice story.
Thanks JH. I appreciate you taking time to read and comment.